Healing after a long illness/surgery

Here is what I have found to be true for me, for whatever that may or may not be worth to you…
Healing after a long illness/surgery:

Feel, See, Hear, pay attention to your body, it will tell you what you need to know if you listen. Sixteen months ago a new path on my journey began for me and a welcome one as it turns out. Now if you had asked me at the time if I thought it was a bright new beginning I would have recommended you have your head checked and probably not that politely either.

So heres the thing, after several years of failing health, countless tests and procedures for different things, a lot of pain and pain medication and way more Doctors opinions than I care to think about, it came down to December 2007, the big one, we need to whittle on your cervical spine (again) and this time for an added bonus of fun, we need to whittle on your brain as well. Well sure why not, I feel so exhausted, like a walk to the front yard will find me falling over in it so why not.

Now, I have had to have way more surgeries in my time here on earth than any ten people ought to have to submit to, not excited about yet another. Had to have my first at fourteen (knee), ah fourteen, a lot happened that year for me, but not to get side tracked. I am at that time 47 but just a few short weeks from 48, and I am thinking for the first time I’ve had to have one of these delightful procedures, am I going to live through it? Never bothered me before, now it was bothering me a great deal, here is what I am thinking, I still have the youngest boy at home (he had just turned fourteen, I knowJ ) doesn’t really seem like a good time to leave. Didn’t fear death, that comes when it comes, but this thing with the youngest gift from God, well, come on now.

I have been a single parent since 1988, and in that 20 years had three major surgeries and several other more minor ones as well as enough tests, scans, etc. that I am surprised I don’t glow in the dark. Never approaching any of those was I concerned, now however, big worry.

As the Universe will have it, it came down to this point in time, I had to have it, didn’t know if it would work or make things worse again and for the first time contemplating one of these barbaric procedures, I feel fear. So I make arrangements for my youngest to stay at his best friends for 3 weeks, as I am going to be in the hospital a week and then have to be at my Aunt’s for another 2 weeks because I can’t be alone. The night before my surgery he goes out to eat with this family and then comes back home to get his stuff for his stay. I am outside talking to his friends Mom, giving her all the paperwork etc. she might need and out of nowhere she says to me, my husband and I have discussed it and if anything should happen we would like to take your son into our home. Wow, well now that is not something you hear everyday, and here is what happened after the initial shock, tears and hugging, during which the boys yelled from the van, enough female bonding alreadyJ , there was peace. Peace, total peace, that no matter what, everything would be all right. A true go where Angels fear to tread moment and look what happened!

Well okay, what did happen you say? A miracle, that’s what, not a bang, boom, burning bush , all at once, Holy Crap kind of miracle but a slow, then ever rapidly increasing journey down a river of Hallelujah.

Three weeks out of that surgery, I did not need pain meds anymore, and I had been on an ever increasing parade of the damn things for years. All of a sudden, I don’t need them and I know I don’t so I just quit taking them. Wow! I still have a noticeable stripe shaved up the back of my head when I realize, I have balance again, Wow! And on and on it goes, thank God!

Was it all a treat filled road, not hardly, my blood pressure whacked out day two of hospital stay, I was out of it, but with a eerie awareness for a few days during which people including my doctor were looking at me like I was suddenly speaking a language they had never heard before, not a comforting experience believe me. My thyroid shot craps or finished shooting and got some much needed attention. It was a week of unmitigated hell, followed by a slowly emergence to Eureka!

So now here it is April 2009, and is my journey complete, nope, but every day it gets better and better. I learned patience, as well as a host of other things and now for the first time in years I feel alive, more alive than I ever have before. The weight I gained during the whole ugly process preceding the healing is melting off and I have started to see myself emerging in the mirror again, which only helps the blood pressure, which makes me feel better, which makes me able to be more and more active, I want to listen to music again, etc., etc., assuming you get the picture here.

Has it happened overnight? Not hardly. Have I had to rest plenty, which gets harder and harder to do the better and better you feel? Yep, you bet I have, but your body tells you what you need when you need it, if you listen.
When I see my eyes in the mirror now, I can actually see the progress reflected back at me in those big, green babies.

Do you see, hear, feel, listen?